My Little Secret

I applied for a job. It's the perfect job for me, as far as my education, experience, and abilities. I'll get a superb raise in pay. I'll get to move to a beautiful city.

Here are the disadvantages: It's a job that never stops, all day long. I don't mean I'll work for eighteen hours a day or anything, but it's a job that will be exhausting all day, every day. I have to work with multiple departments. What one interviewer told me is the essential quality for the job is NOT what the second interviewer told me. The first interviewer made me feel confident and powerful, like I would have a voice. The second interviewer made me feel confused and frustrated, like I didn't understand that I wouldn't have any say over any part of the job. That's NOT what the first interviewer indicated.

At first I thought the job was going to utilize my creativity. I thought I was going to get to come up with discussions, suggest new ideas on how to communicate with the employees, and edit existing communications to make them clearer. The first interviewer agreed - he said I would have a mix of creating and editing. Great! I love creating and editing! Interviewer #2, however, assured me that I wouldn't really be creating as much as compiling. I belive those may have been her words, verbatim. I would compile data and communicate it to the field in a concise, organized, timely manner. So...I'm more of a secretary? Not that there's anything wrong with secretaries, but it's not the job Inteviewer #1 laid out for me.

I'm getting a creeping feeling this job may be hectic but boring. It's also going to be fast-paced, stressful, and time-consuming. But who knows? Maybe I'm just getting jitters because Interviewer #2 was a tad intimidating when she was laying out the four thousand responsibilites of this job. Maybe I'll love the chaos. Maybe I'll love being called ten times an hour. Maybe I'll love being a human database.

Here's the kicker: At the same time this job was posted, another job with the same company was posted. I ignored the second job because the description of the first fit me like a glove. The second was in a field that I've come to discover I love very, very much, but I'm not as experienced nor as educated about its specialty. The second job had an earlier deadline and I felt more confident about the first job, so I disregarded Job B and focused on Job A.

I fully regret this. Job B sounds like SO MUCH FUN. And you know what? Rereading the job description I've realized that it also fits me like a glove. It's creative, its educational, its artistic, and there's travelling. Everyone at my current job tells me I'm a natural at the specialty for this job. It's like I didn't know I would love this specialty until I got my current job, where I use this specialty. It's the one thing - the one thing - I truly love about the job I have right now. And I could have been in a job where I do that day in and day out and get to travel to boot.

So today I called Interviewer #2, who I guess would either be interviewing for the fun job as well or who could pass me on to the person who would be interviewing for it, and I told her that while I was still interested in Job A, I had actually been asked by Interviewer #1 if I was interested in Job B and why I hadn't applied for it. I told her I had missed the deadline but if she was still accepting applications I would like to be considered for either job. I don't know what she'll make of this but most of my coworkers think she'll just think I'm taking the initiative to give myself every opportunity to advance in the company. They think she'll understand that I didn't want to look back and regret not having TRIED for both jobs. They also think she'll understand that in the event she doesn't choose me for Job A, I don't want to look like I just tried for one job and then gave up as though I wouldn't enjoy any other job but that first one.

The thing is, Interviewer #1 asked me if I could choose between the two jobs, which would I choose, and not wanting to sound wishy-washy I immediately said Job A. Now I'm worried that I'll be offered both jobs. Because now, I've changed my mind. And I really, really want to say Job B. To the point it's making me sick. But everyone at my current job - even people I never thought would go to bat for me - is doing backflips to get me Job A. Can I let them down? How will I look if I change my mind? Should I be truthful if I am offered a choice between the two jobs that when I sat down and thought about which one I would ENJOY more and that I would come to work excited to do everyday, I had decided that the answer is Job B?

I have a whole weekend to make a decision. Hell, I may not have to. They may have already passed on me for Job A and so will only offer Job B, if they offer either. Or they may have already decided to offer Job A and they've filled Job B, so it doesn't matter. Anyway, I'll know soon. The wait is KILLING me, though.