Why Do I Let Things Get to Me?

Yeah, I know, this isn't about my writing philosophy.

Yet again I'm struggling at my little part-time job. I can't keep my statistics consistent and when I try to talk about my frustration I just get told to stop whining and just do something about it. On top of that, my manager - who is one of my best friends - has a bad habit of interrupting me constantly whenever I'm talking. I've asked her to stop doing it, but she tries to make an excuse that because she has ADHD she doesn't know she's doing it and besides, she just doesn't want to forget her question, comment, opinion. I get visibly frustrated when she has yet again made me lose my train of thought.

Two days ago, I decided I wasn't going to take it anymore. Everytime she interrupted me I would interrupt her right back with whatever my last words were before she interrupted. Then I would keep going. It made her quite angry.

Then yesterday morning when I came in to work, I found three articles she had printed from our intranet. One was about rudeness in the workplace. Let me just say right now - it better freakin' be for her to read. She conveniently left them right in my eyesight when I walked up to the desk, so there's a feeling in my gut that these articles are for me (one was about mediocre performers and one was about respectfully disagreeing - discussions we've also had in the past few days). I don't know what I'll do if she tries to tell me I'm going to be reprimanded for my rudeness when I've asked her to stop her behavior over and over again.

She keeps saying she doesn't want to forget what she's thinking and just wants to make sure she asks a question or makes a comment before she forgets. But why is it less important if I forget what I was saying or thinking because she interrupts those thoughts? When do I get to hold her accountable for a behavior I've asked her to stop for years? It just reminds me of my post about the other coworker, turning my feelings around on me to make my feelings less important than hers.

We had another disagreement about the coworker who requests off a lot of days because she's used to a job where she can request those days off. This coworker only works one or two shifts a week, the majority being one shift. I don't understand why it's a problem if she requests off but gives plenty of leeway for that one shift to be scheduled each week. My manager knew how I felt about this, and yet again pursued me when I "respectfully disagreed" with her and wouldn't drop the subject. She wouldn't LET me just disagree. She hounded me until finally I more firmly said that I didn't agree and didn't have to. She asked me what I would do if everyone started requesting off all the time and I said we hadn't ever had that problem and so I didn't forsee it as a real problem and so I would cross that bridge when I get there (which I never will). One of the points in the article she left out one the desk yesterday was basically that lazy people make the excuse "we'll cross the bridge when we get there." I "respectfully" disagree. I think it's silly to be constantly worried about how people COULD take advantage of you.

The thing about it is that yesterday, yet again, I came home and cried for about three hours because of a stupid part-time retail job. Here are the reasons:

1) They have yet again forced me to pretend I want to advance up through the company because not wanting that means I'm content, and being content is bad

2) A behavior that upsets me is okay because I'm just trying to show off how smart I am by expecting other people to be able to think like me, or you know, just have common patience

3) If I ever disagree with business proceedures I'm either lazy or stubborn

4) A coworker made a comment about another employee being given special treatment when she didn't really deserve a promotion, but when I lamented about an employee who didn't deserve an extra bonus my coworker admonished me

5) I asked my manager what to do about a situation the other day and instead of helping me find a solution she just complained about how she's having that same problem but didn't say whether she was going to do ANYTHING about it

6) I'm the filler, so she schedules me for all of the shifts no one else can work, which means they're usually the crap shifts like a Tuesday morning, and what can I do with my stats when two people walk in the door in a four-hour period?

7) I'm afraid I won't find employment elsewhere, as two really good friends with college degrees and lots of experience are having trouble finding work right now and I'm scared to death to just leave

8) I don't have a nice quiet place to go home to and so I'm stressed out everywhere I go, all day, everyday

We only have one car between seven people. It's about to fall apart because no one will help me fix it. I can't just leave because I don't have enough money to get my own apartment and a car. I don't have enough money to get my own apartment, period. The college I worked for just laid off most of its part-time instructors and is forcing the tenured professors to teach lower-level classes. I've applied elsewhere but no one seems interested. I just don't know what to do anymore. I haven't read or written in the last few days because I just want to cry under my covers. Why can't the stupid little job just let me be happy? Maybe I'd perform if I didn't feel stressed out about every single thing in my life. Why can't my job just take that stress off for a little while?

I'm telling you, that damn article better not be for me.