Facebook

For the people who keep trying to make me a social butterfly...I'm Emily Dickinson minus the suicide at 29.

I love my friends. In particular there are about four people whom I want to talk to on a regular basis (NGS, SM, CC, and WR). There are others whom I love and like to get together with here and there (CE). I love my family and am glad there's a way for me to contact my cousins and relatives if necessary. Facebook has its ups.

But for me, there are too many downs. I just opened my email account that I rarely use (but it's the one associated with Facebook) and found that on my birthday - in April, which should tell you how often I check that email - I had about twenty notifications saying people had wished me a happy birthday. I felt ashamed and quite bitchy that I hadn't gone on Facebook to thank them and that I hadn't noticed until more than a month later.

But Facebook scares me. What happens, and I think this happens to a lot of people, is you find friends you had long ago or acquaintances who were nice and you friend them or they request you and you accept. At first it's your best friends and some really good friends. Next it's a lot of people you went to high school with. Then it's members of your family (who are loveable and just want to keep in touch). Then it's the brother of your coworker, whom you met once. Then it's the creepy guy who knows your birthday even though you made it clear to him you didn't want to kiss him after that movie and even though he promises you will just be friends. Then a friend from high school starts sending you invitations to join Facebook clubs (five a friggin' day!), then it's please send me a goat for my farm, then it's just too much.

I missed three or so people requesting I "friend" them. One was my cousin's wife, one was an old friend, one name I didn't recognize. I know the advice I would get from the Facebook veterans: defriend the people you don't really want or give some kind of higher security to some people - that's possible right? But I feel like a total bitch because, you know, most of these people like me and just want a way to keep in touch.

And I don't think it would matter: I wouldn't keep up on my page. I...don't like socialization like that. I...don't want to "keep up appearances." I want a phone call from NGS to keep up on her world and an email from SM to see how she's doing and hilarious cartoons forwarded to me from CC. I want to do lunch with WR twice a year. I want to have a drink with CE every few months. And...that's it. Well, I want enough money to actually visit NGS for once.

What I'll probably do, tomorrow, is pop onto Facebook and apologize for being gone so long. I'll probably explain that websites like that just aren't my cup of tea, but I'll check on it like once a month. I'll reply to a few people, thank them for their birthday messages, friend my cousin's wife, and...exit stage left. For a month...or...so.