Week ending 10/27/2013.
Fear: I can't sleep between 4:00 a.m. and 5:00 a.m. Why? Night Terrors. Often, outright hallucinations, usually about clothing, towels, and curtains. Patterns turn into faces, people in pictures move, a crumpled pair of jeans is really a demon. The truth is, for that hour, I watch the clock like a fucking maniac, because at 5:00 I will be safe again. Nothing can get me at 5:00 a.m.
Disgust: A frequent customer (who...does not have a rockin' body) came out of the fitting room on Tuesday wearing only her sweatshirt, her underwear, and a pair of cowboy boots she was trying on. She wanted to try other sizes in the boots. So she bent over to read box sizes and exchange between the sizes. Pink granny panties, FYI.
Sadness: A teenager called me middle-aged. She was talking to me and two other ladies. We are 34, 31, and 49 years old. The teenager was talking about technology, and said, "Middle-aged people like you all just didn't grow up with it like we did." I...don't want to be one of those women who can't face her age, but sometimes reminders creep up on me that I'm not exactly young anymore and that I need to get going with my life.
Anger: I have a plane ticket from Seattle to home. Not one from home to Seattle, though. Because at the time when I had just enough money for one ticket, the flights there numbered twenty and the flights back numbered five. I thought, I'd better secure a seat on one of those five planes and I'll have the money for one of the outgoing planes soon. Nope! That was June. Every time I have the money something happens. Is it a sign? I've never been on a vacation, not really, especially one on my own. I want this so badly.
Happiness: A real phone! With texting! I was tired of all these people around me, who have no jobs, who steal and sell other people's possessions for drug money, having phones worth hundreds of dollars while I had a five-year-old flip phone. So, I sucked it up and got a Smartphone. It isn't the greatest one out there, but it will do and it will do everything theirs will do without the hefty $600 or so price. How do they even get these phones? Whatever, it doesn't matter because now I have a real phone, too!
Surprise: The cat lady asked me to babysit her cats again while she's on vacation for a week. She pays well. This is at a time when I'm a little stretched, monetarily, and her offer was just amazing timing. She...always seems to make these offers at the exact time I need a little extra cash. It gives me pause.
Random Fact: If you want to kill me, lock me in a room with only canned food and an electric can opener. I do not understand how to work them. My mother once threw away all the manual can openers and that night we had to go buy a new one so I could open cans when no one else was home.
October 28, 2013
October 24, 2013
The Short, Short Version #1
Week ending 10/20/2013.
Yes, I end weeks on Sunday. Because Sunday is the last day of the week, not the first.
Fear: My father ran into a wall on Saturday and cut his head open. There were times on Sunday where we would ask him a question and he would just stare at us for a minute or so, then finally answer. I told my mom he could have a concussion, or even have brought on another stroke somehow. Did she take him to the ER? Nope. She let him sleep, a lot, for the next few days. Sleep.
Disgust: My nephew and my sister often don't flush the toilet. After doing #2. Because they do #2 before taking a shower, and they can't wait the thirty seconds it will take for the commode to stop interfering with the water. I imagine them jumping - leaping - from the toilet to the shower because they can't lose thirty seconds. Then they forget they did #2, and whoever goes in next has to take care of that.
Sadness: I cried and cried the day I thought for certain we were finally going to have to take the cat the Humane Society. After going for over a week without peeing on the steps, he suddenly peed on every one of them. Thursday morning I got up and bawled in the recliner, clutching the cat, and it was an ugly, snotty, hitching, long sobbing session. But he's still here.
Anger: So, I'm a homebody. I like to read, write, play video games, surf the net, etc. I'm quiet and introverted and that's what I enjoy and what boils my blood is when people make snide comments about my hobbies. The other day, Fucking Janet was talking to a friend of hers who had made a cute scarf after seeing how-to on Pinterest. So Fucking Janet asked me, "Don't you go on Pinterest?" Yes. So she said, "Well, I don't have time to just sit in front of my computer doing nothing." I told her lots of people do it from their phone and that a friend of ours who has three jobs is on there way more than I am. Janet just rolled her eyes and asked who has time to do nothing like that? Then later, our boss and her boss told Janet they go on Pinterest, and guess who asked me to help her set up an account and who denied that she ever made fun of it when I called her out on being two-faced?
Happiness: (There was a long, depressing silence as I thought hard about this.) The cat is still here. (Another pause as I decide there must be something else.) (Oh!) I finally bought the dry erase board / cork board combo I've been wanting at the local department store. I have monthly, weekly, and daily goals. One monthly goal is reading at least 5 books (it is thusly underlined on the dry erase board). Weekly goals include writing so many pages, reading the Profile in the New Yorker, summarizing reading notes in my journal. A particular daily goal is making sure I log into Facebook. Once.
Surprise: My eighteen-year-old niece wants a sex-change operation. That's fine by me, whatever makes her comfortable in her own skin. But, if you are going to reinvent yourself, and you can choose any name in the world, why...Brandon?
Yes, I end weeks on Sunday. Because Sunday is the last day of the week, not the first.
Fear: My father ran into a wall on Saturday and cut his head open. There were times on Sunday where we would ask him a question and he would just stare at us for a minute or so, then finally answer. I told my mom he could have a concussion, or even have brought on another stroke somehow. Did she take him to the ER? Nope. She let him sleep, a lot, for the next few days. Sleep.
Disgust: My nephew and my sister often don't flush the toilet. After doing #2. Because they do #2 before taking a shower, and they can't wait the thirty seconds it will take for the commode to stop interfering with the water. I imagine them jumping - leaping - from the toilet to the shower because they can't lose thirty seconds. Then they forget they did #2, and whoever goes in next has to take care of that.
Sadness: I cried and cried the day I thought for certain we were finally going to have to take the cat the Humane Society. After going for over a week without peeing on the steps, he suddenly peed on every one of them. Thursday morning I got up and bawled in the recliner, clutching the cat, and it was an ugly, snotty, hitching, long sobbing session. But he's still here.
Anger: So, I'm a homebody. I like to read, write, play video games, surf the net, etc. I'm quiet and introverted and that's what I enjoy and what boils my blood is when people make snide comments about my hobbies. The other day, Fucking Janet was talking to a friend of hers who had made a cute scarf after seeing how-to on Pinterest. So Fucking Janet asked me, "Don't you go on Pinterest?" Yes. So she said, "Well, I don't have time to just sit in front of my computer doing nothing." I told her lots of people do it from their phone and that a friend of ours who has three jobs is on there way more than I am. Janet just rolled her eyes and asked who has time to do nothing like that? Then later, our boss and her boss told Janet they go on Pinterest, and guess who asked me to help her set up an account and who denied that she ever made fun of it when I called her out on being two-faced?
Happiness: (There was a long, depressing silence as I thought hard about this.) The cat is still here. (Another pause as I decide there must be something else.) (Oh!) I finally bought the dry erase board / cork board combo I've been wanting at the local department store. I have monthly, weekly, and daily goals. One monthly goal is reading at least 5 books (it is thusly underlined on the dry erase board). Weekly goals include writing so many pages, reading the Profile in the New Yorker, summarizing reading notes in my journal. A particular daily goal is making sure I log into Facebook. Once.
Surprise: My eighteen-year-old niece wants a sex-change operation. That's fine by me, whatever makes her comfortable in her own skin. But, if you are going to reinvent yourself, and you can choose any name in the world, why...Brandon?
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